Pandora's Bar

The “scene”-play below is a response to a Reddit writing prompt in the subreddit r/writingprompts. The original prompt itself was posted by user u/ScottBeckman.

[WP] A bar outside the realm of time, where patrons stumble into from all points throughout time.



INT. TIMELESS BAR - NIGHT

A farmer swings open the bar door. CLYDE. He’s got sweat on his brow, a dirtied pair of overalls, and long brown boots. He pats his belly as he saunters in towards the counter where a clean cut bartender is preparing a mix of coke and whiskey. The usual.


CLYDE:

Howdy Frank, looks like I’m the first one to the party.  


FRANK:

You are indeed, first one's on me.


CLYDE hops up on the bar stool closest to FRANK and he starts sipping down his drink.


CLYDE:

That’s mighty kind of you Frank, but no need, we had a good year.


CLYDE pulls out a gold coin and flips it onto the table. The bar door swings open once more, and a man wearing a tunic, with tight pants and a codpiece emerges. His hat has a small red feather and a bow and quiver hang from a strap wrapped over his shoulder.


FRANK:

Why hello there, Robert. Mead for you today?


CLYDE looks over his shoulder at the man with incredulity. He smirks and giggles to himself.


ROBERT:

Aye, mead.


FRANK starts pouring mead into a large stein and sets it on the bar counter near CLYDE. ROBERT walks up to the counter, eying CLYDE suspiciously. CLYDE stares back trying to hold back a snort of laughter. He scoots the stein over a few seats and sits down.


CLYDE:

You uh, just come from the fairy festival?


CLYDE loses it at his own joke slapping his knee. ROBERT stands up puffing his chest out at him.


ROBERT:

Do NOT insult me sir, I am an archer of the towns guard. You will show me respect.


CLYDE nearly falls off his seat laughing. ROBERT pulls up both his fingers like a backward ‘peace’ sign and sits back down.


CLYDE:

You know the Renaissance festival is in September right?


FRANK:

All right now CLYDE, you’ve had your fun. Let’s keep it civil.


CLYDE giggles a bit more but lets the man be. ROBERT sips from the glass and avoids looking back at CLYDE, his feelings clearly hurt. The bar door opens a third time revealing a man in a zoot suit, with a pocket watch chain hanging from his breast pocket. He swaggers in swinging the chain with his other hand on something concealed underneath his coat. CLYDE stares with a raised brow, then he turns back to FRANK.


CLYDE:

I’m gonna need another round boss.


FRANK:

Right away, CLYDE. Hey! Vinnie what are ya havin’ tonight?


VINNIE stops swinging his chain, pulls out a cigarette case, pulls one out, and lights it. He grimaces after blowing out the smoke, like he just stared into a bright light.


VINNIE:

Whaddaya mean? Same shit I get every night. You should already know FRANNKie.


FRANK:

Right, a cherry cocktail coming up.

CLYDE bursts out laughing again.


CLYDE:

What is this clown night?!


VINNIE shows a fake grin and struts over to CLYDE.


VINNIE:

Yeah you think this is funny ‘ha-ha’ night? Do you pal? You think I’m a clown?


CLYDE:

I sure as shit do partner. I ain’t seen a suit like that in decades.


VINNIE nods and fake laughs.

VINNIE:

Yeah, yeah. A funny suit. Funny.


VINNIE pulls out a pistol from around his waist and BOOM fires a round through CLYDE’s head. Blood splatters the counter and his body slumps to the floor, brain matter oozing out. ROBERT shrieks and falls off his chair. He scrambles to stand up and rushes for the door. BOOM! Robert also slumps to the ground. A gaping wound from his chest spatters on the floor.


FRANK:

Damn it VINNIE what did I tell you about slinging that lead around here?


FRANK steps out from behind the bar with a towel. He dabs up some of the blood and brain matter from the counter and sits CLYDE up against the stool.


VINNIE:

He called me a clown. I don’t take that kind of disrespect FRANKIE. You know that.


The door opens a fourth time. A man walks in with a large red nose and an orange curly afro. His face is covered in white paint with black accents to draw emphasis to his eyes.


CLOWN:

Hi everybody! I’m buttons the -


BOOM!